He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize