At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
