I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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