She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
