Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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