piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
