There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
