all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
