All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
