Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
