Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
