he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize