My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
