Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
