Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
