Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
