Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
