just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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