i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
