Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
