Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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