i just wanna soil my oats bro
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
