I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
