Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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