WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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