Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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