a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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