the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
