and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
