Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
