Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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