he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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