just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
