She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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