Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
