I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
