doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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