We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
