there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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