I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
