Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
