Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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