My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
