yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
