I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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