i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
