I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
