plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
