can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Someone shattered a urinal.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
