yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
