who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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