so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
