At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
