I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
