Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
