You just made me feel so damn special
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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