I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
