Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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