Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm passing your future prison.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
