You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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