Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
