Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
