my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
