She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
