So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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