is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
