I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
