Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need to stop coming to work sober
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just googled if crying burns calories
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
