someone threw a dead crab at me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize