All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We are all done wearing pants today
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
