how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
