I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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