note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
