My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize