good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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