he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
