How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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