I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
