i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
