I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
