i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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