just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
3pm strippers are depressing
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
