omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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