I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize