I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
