So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
