she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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