Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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