I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
