I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
