hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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