and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
