Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
