Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
