have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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