five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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