At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am available for nakedness
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
